Do you remember a time when it didn’t matter where you were or what day of the week it was that you are your partner couldn’t keep your hands off of each other? Does the thought of sex never cross your mind now? Does the thought of having sex seem like another thing to add to the to-do list, does it feel like work? If so, your libido has dropped. Take comfort in the fact that you are not alone. Many women in early motherhood report that their libido crashes to an all time low.
Why new mothers lose their sex drive
The list of the reasons why a mother with a young child doesn’t have a robust libido is long—from hormones to health conditions to juggling life in many different roles, to lack of emotional support, a drop in body image, lack of time and energy, weight gain, and more. Yet, there is hope. If you want to rev up your libido you can start doing so by following these tips. When you do, nature should kick in and begin to take over.
How new moms can get their sex drive back
Visit your doctor
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Schedule an appointment with your doctor and be very open and honest about your sex drive. Tell him that your libido has shot through the floor and you want to see if medical reasons are the culprit. Diabetes, thyroid disorders, hormonal imbalances, medications, depression, and more can affect the sex drive.
Find out what you can from a medical standpoint. Who knows, simply changing your medication or finding out you have an underlying condition and treating it can turn things around in the sex department.
Connect with your partner
You can see and interact with your partner day in and day out, but if all the focus is on the child and you only see each other as ‘mom’ and ‘dad’— it’s not surprising that your libido is low. When a couple becomes parents they must schedule time as a couple. (This means the child isn’t with you.) Leaving your baby or young child with a sitter can be difficult in the beginning, but it is necessary to keep you and your partner connected. You must have time to connect as adults, as a couple, and not just parents.
Plan a date night every week to ten days with your partner. You don’t have to do anything elaborate or expensive, just spend some alone time with your partner doing things you both enjoy. The rules should be that the conversation cannot dwell or linger on the child, finances, or household chores. Keep things positive and fun on your date nights. When you do this regularly, intimate communication and reconnecting will generally follow.
Believe it or not, many couples would not have sex if they did not schedule it with their partners. While it may not sound spontaneous to schedule sex with your mate, it can help you get back in the groove and kick start your libido—especially when you both lead very busy lives.
Even if you aren’t truly in the mood when the time arrives for scheduled sex, go into it with an open heart and willing attitude. Participate. Don’t just lay there like a corpse. When you go into with an open heart and willing attitude, you’ll generally find that your body starts to feel good and your sex drive and sexual needs will rise to the occasion. Also, once you start having sex regularly again, you may find you want it even when it is not on the schedule.
Tap into erotica
If your only experience with erotic material was vintage porn from the 1960s and 70s, understand that times have changed. There are books and movies made by women for women. If you do not have any moral taboos about erotica, use it to your advantage and let it help kick-start your libido. Reading erotic literature and watching films helps many women get their libido in gear.
One of the best ways to boost your libido (whether you need to lose weight or not) is to exercise regularly. Exercise increases blood flow and it releases endorphins in the body that helps you relax, de-stress, and it also lifts the mood. Exercise also tones and shapes the body – which can go a long way in helping you feel sexy and attractive.
Tell your libido to wake up
Lastly, recognize that your sex drive has been sleeping—it’s not dead. Tell your libido that nap time is over and it’s time to get back into the swing of things. These kinds of sex talks to self can go a long way in waking up and recharging the sex battery.
Recommended reading on the female libido
For more information and advice on improving your libido, take a look at the following books: