Love

How to Maintain Your Libido When You’re Single

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Whether you hate the show or love it, there’s a particular scene during season two of Grey’s Anatomy that every single woman in a dry spell can relate to.

When Katherine Heigl’s character, Izzie, finally has sex after a long unintentional bout of celibacy, she finds she’s now hornier than ever. When trying to explain the feeling to another character, George, she asks him, “You know when you don’t have sex for a while, you sorta forget how good it is, and you don’t really need it as much?”

He responds with a no, saying that doesn’t happen to guys. Izzie then tells him that now that she’s remembered how great sex is, her libido has gone into overdrive.

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“It’s like a beast,” she says, “A beast that was asleep, for a long, LONG time, and now the beast is WIDE awake and wants to be fed and the food, that Alex gave it, was great. It was good food, George.”

The effect of celibacy

Celibacy, involuntary or not, can do strange things to a girl. And usually, just as Izzie described, there comes a time where your desire for sex can start to taper off. Having “the beast” nag at you constantly isn’t great, but the opposite direction can be just as detrimental when you’re single. If your libido is low, and you’re lacking the desire for a physical bond with another person, you may also be lacking the motivation to put yourself out there for a relationship.

Thankfully, however, there are ways you can keep your libido just as high as it is during the beginning of a new relationship, even while single. This allows for a more even and more manageable scale of, well, “horniness.”

Keeping your libido active

For starters you can keep yourself healthy outside of the bedroom. Today suggests trying the “Better Sex Diet.” It includes superfoods like bananas, which can help release serotonin (the happy chemical), and asparagus, which is rich in the B vitamin folate that they say “increases blood levels of histamine, a neurotransmitter that helps you orgasm.” It also contains protodioscin, a plant chemical that’s been shown to boost arousal.

It’s not all fruits and veggies though. The diet even recommends sweets like dark chocolate, which contains the compound phenylethylamine. Phenylethylamine “releases the same endorphins triggered by sex and increases the feelings of attraction between two people.”

Not only can the diet keep your body healthier, but the better you look, the more likely you are to want to show it off to someone.

Exploring your sexuality in new ways can also awaken urges that you never realized you had before. Try incorporating a new toy into your masturbation routine. Treat yourself to a Magic Wand that will make your toes curl, or a waterproof vibrator to make your relaxing baths more indulgent. The more orgasms you have, the more likely you are to seek out that source of pleasure again, keeping your libido at healthy levels.

Picking a good adult movie is also a sure-fire way to put you in the mood and keep your libido in check. They’re also the perfect way to visualize and affirm your desires. For those who don’t have a lot of experience choosing adult videos, blindly searching online can turn you off of them for good. Novice viewers would be better suited searching with Adam and Eve, as each video undergoes a stringent review process by a therapist licensed by the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) before becoming available. This ensures that all of their videos are sex positive, and never include any negative or harmful portrayals of sex.

Are medications harming your libido?

It’s also worth mentioning that sometimes the old “it’s not you, it’s me” excuse is actually true—that is if your medications are the one saying it. Of course, if your medications are talking to you, it’s time to try some different ones. But in any case, some can keep you from feeling the urge down under. Birth control and certain antidepressants and/or anti-anxiety medications are notorious for depleting libido.

According to Women’s Health Mag, women who use hormonal birth control (the pill, patch, or ring) reportedly experience a lower sex drive and more discomfort during sex than those using other non-hormonal methods. Not only can they make it difficult to become aroused, they can make reaching orgasm seem all but impossible. And when you attempt to reach an ending so many times without success, it can significantly decrease your motivation to keep trying. If you think that your current medications may be causing your disinterest in sex, consult with your doctor. They may be able to prescribe you with alternatives that will lessen the side effects.

Sure, the ultimate goal is to have that special someone in your life to help keep your libido up, but the good news is that you can also have a lot of fun doing so on your own. Using some of these methods, you may even find that keeping “the beast” fed regularly isn’t such a daunting task after all.

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