cassandra

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  • #22716


    Youve been together 4 years and have a baby of 8 months..
    Its a lot for him, maybe he feels a bit overwhelmed by it all.. I know I know.. he choose to get married and have kids, well sometimes things seem like a good idea but when you get down to the nitty gritty like bills and dirty nappies it all seems a bit of a drag.

    Women are better talkers than men he may feel you are nagging or trying to force him to speak when he feels unable to, keep going on at him wont lower his defenses it will only put his back up more.
    As for him saying he doesnt love you when you row.. well dont we all say nasty hurtful things when we fight? because thats our aim , to make the other person feel bad. So we say the things we know will hurt most.

    Did you have good times? If so try to focus on those times, why were they good why are you not doing those things or living that way now? Maybe that will give you a few clues.
    Counselling can be done with just you so that you can talk through your problems and try to figure out non confrontational ways of getting past this nasty patch and moving on..

    I can tell you Ive been married for 28 years it hasnt been sunshine and flowers everyday.. Ive throw the odd plate at his head, called him names now and then and felt like running away when 3 kids, him and the dog all seemed like they were ganging up on me. But I didnt and I realised it was just a bump in the road we got over it and moved on.

    I wish you strength to help you weather this storm and find the sunshine again.

    #22715

    Best wishes on your special day Cat

    #22714

    Prune juice will help but long term you have to look at her diet as well. Fluids ie: enough water also make a difference. Could there be a medical reason? , some people do get constipated regularly thats one question only your doctor can answer.

    I would pop her down to the doctor, after all she is only 8 months and better to be safe than sorry
    good luck.

    #22664

    Tea and in the English manner with milk but not too strong.
    I cant drink coffee it makes my stomach bad..

    #22663

    books

    #22662

    driveshaft

    #22605

    An introvert.

    As the only girl in the family (i had three brothers) I was the odd one out anyway then I was tagged as a gifted child and I was made to feel different at school and withdrew into books and music even more.

    Now I talk only to my immediate family and my clients at work on a regular basis, thats not counting the please and thankyou’s I exchange while shopping.(not really talking is it?)

    I have one person who sometimes chats to me but I think thats because she lives here in Holland but is English so she finds it nice to chat to someone in her own language.

    I dont like joining groups I dont fit in..ever.. Ive done sports alone, been to the cinema alone regularly go to exhibitions or museums alone and enjoy my ‘me time’ when OH is out.
    People not only wear me out to the point of exhaustion, but they invairably want something help with this or that advice on something and of course if you dont give the advice they want , youre in trouble.

    Thats one of the reasons I like forums.. Im talking to people but on my terms no-one is invading my house and I talk as and when I want to .. its great..

    #22600

    As it happens he was here on monday with Kayleigh (his dog) .. mine seemed ready to forgive and forget , well except Benny who is a grumpy old so&so;at the best of times he just stayed well away from her.
    Things went much better than last time, we kind of ignored them while keeping an eye on them and it went a lot better than I expected. I think now that Kayleigh has been with my son for a few weeks she feels more sure of her place and so not so threatend and defensive.

    After checking who was who again and sniffing about for a minute or so she laid down quietly.
    Mine decided a sleeping dog is boring and went off to do their own thing.
    I think we need a few more meetings before I would trust them but it loks like it will work.
    Fingers crossed.

    #22582

    As you know I posted about shock and menopause and on a different forum (a grief one) several women have had the same experience.

    It seems that symptoms vary greatly and can change from month to month so just when you think you are getting used to one it disappears and something else takes it place!
    My doctor offered to put me on the contraceptive pill to help control my period and keep the hormone levels regular but I cant take it. I had a load of trouble with the pill and eventually my OH had a vasectomy so I could stop taking it.

    A friend of mine gave me some natural stuff and it does seem to help with the flushes, sorry I cant tell you what it is the names are all in dutch and I cant translate them!..I have also bought myself a couple of very nice little fans so when I do get a flush I cool myself in style.. no flapping at myself with newspapers or paper hankies !If Im going to have to do this its going to be with a bit of grace.
    I would say a hystorectomy does sound very drastic and I know in most of europe it would not be considered just as a ‘cure’ for menopause problems there would have to be a sound medical reason for them to do it..
    I hope you get some sound advice from your doctor mine just thinks everything is down to me losing my brother and is just stress! I wish Id never told her now..

    #22532

    I went away and thought about this and while I do stand by what I said I do have an old lady of 82 who is one of my home help clients she has counselling now for a war time trauma..
    She had a breakdown in 2005 at the time of the ww2 50 yr aniversary celebrations.
    It turns out that during the war she was living with her parents near Amsterdam. her brother, father and grandfather all worked helping to hide or get Jewish people out of Holland but as was all too often the case they were betrayed and together with an uncle they were taken away.
    Her father and brother were later returned after spending a year in a camp, her grandfather was executed and her uncle perished in the camp, after their return her father never spoke of the war again and her brother became an alcoholic and eventually drank himself to death.
    She married and her husband turned out not to be the person she thought he was so she had no one to turn to and no comfort..The parties and celebrations just bought back to her that horrible time seeing old newsfootage ect just opened the wound again and she snapped. She is being treated for depression and has her good and bad days, sometimes I do nothing but sit with her and talk if thats what she needs to do. ( she knows I have lost loved ones and feels able to talk to me?)
    It seems to me if only she had had someone at the time things may have been different but she has bottled it up and never been able to express her grief or anger she now gets to do this via her counseller.

    I just wanted to say its not that I have a downer on all counsellers as I know they can be helpful but I do think that many are just in it for the money keeping people coming back time after time to keep the cash rolling..

    #22527

    I recently read an article in a magazine about a woman who had her handbag stolen in a car park one evening. She wasnt battered or raped but went for counselling and they said she had post traumatic shock !!!!! I wrote to the magazine and said this sort of idiotic OTT behaviour is insulting to soldiers,emergancy workers who really do experience stuff that leaves them with PTSD

    Of course I didnt get a reply nor was my letter printed.

    I have been to a counseller once and couldnt see the point she told me nothing I didnt already know and offered no new explanation so whats the point?
    My SIL and niece go every week for a 2 hour session and have done since feb this year, it doesnt seem to be helping in anyway.

    I do think counsellers have taken over the function extended families and good nieghbours proberbly filled in the past.
    Of course it helps to have someone to talk to after a bad experience but raking up the same old stuff week after week year after year I dont think its good for a person.

    #22526

    Sorry to say it but when your husband said his wedding vows it was ‘forsaking all others’ that includes his mother now it sounds hard but you need to make it clear to him that this marriage is between you and him NO third parties.
    If you have even half the taped evidence you say you do he should not have any trouble walking away and making sure that you him and your marriage is number 1 on his priority list if he cannot do that them I have to say you are fighting a losing battle and should think about getting out.

    Sorry

    #22398


    A friend of my OH used to buy his wife household items for every special occasion, a wasing machine, a dishwasher for Christmas ect.
    He was here just before mothers day and he told us he had bought her an electric juicer so she wouldn’t have to hand squeeze his orange juice every morning!!!
    Oh nearly died laughing he turn to me and said ‘what would you do if I bought you a juicer’?
    I told him ‘Id juice your head’
    This guy couldn’t understand why a microwave wasn’t a suitable gift for his wife.

    Working in a shop I saw loads of strange things, in Holland we gift wrap anything if its a gift.
    I have been asked to gift wrap towels, saucepans, a selection of teabags and maybe the worst one a floor mop.
    I would love to have seen the persons face when they unwrapped that!

    #22397

    I used to work at a Dutch supermarket and they had just set up thier first attempt at on line shopping.
    It was full of faults but it was good fun.
    I was one of the first people to work with the system.
    We would get an order via the pc then we would go into the shop and with a mini scanner on our wrist and do the customers shopping.
    I always tried to do the shopping as if I were doing my own but some of the guys who did it just chucked stuff in the trolley without even looking to see if fruit was bruised or milk was near the sell by.
    Then we had to laod the van with the order and deliver around the town, payment was via pin payment again with a portable device that couldnt always get a signal and we sometimes ended up standing in the garden to get a good signal!
    It was good fun and I enjoyed going out and meeting people.

    As the scheme grew they moved the whole thing to a warehouse with order pickers and special teams then it become very impersonal, I didnt go with them I stayed back at the shop and became the canteen lady.

    #22396

    I try to see things from both sides. If I think it was not intentional, not done out of malice or hate then of course I brush it aside.
    If something is done deliberatly to hurt upset or offend me or my family then I cant forgive.
    I dont think of it as holding a grudge, it doesnt eat at me I just choose not to have anything to do with that person as a form of protection for myself.
    There are millions of people on this planet and I bet a lot of them are really nice so why would I choose to be around someone who deliberatly upset or hurt me in any way?

    I am not abusive to people I dont like I simply cut them out of my life as if they no longer exsist.
    There are some who say thats cold but I still say its protection against further harm.

Viewing 15 posts - 4,006 through 4,020 (of 4,068 total)