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    Thank you for your support, ruhaniyat: you’re right: it can come on strong some days. I suppose I have to push on: if I didn’t I would be in  a coffin. Still, having to battle anxiety is awful – which you know. Feeling fear can be cripling. Especially as it never goes away.

    Thank you for your kind words and I hope you’ll carry on pushing forward and battling that old demon called fear.


    I must say keeping busy and active makes me happy. I just ride the anxiety and push on. Still, I will never pretend to be someone I’m not. Which leads me onto my other point: I am learning to accept myself as I am. Because I will always be this way and won’t change to please someone else. Of course I still fit in and am friendly, etc. BUT I won’t be oblong if I am square: if you see what I mean. Staying true to oneself is so, so important. Now I realize time does change people, but my inner core will never change: I will always be kind to others and myself. I never want to be a bitter old woman.

    Also, I am more happy than unhappy and realize absolute happiness may never happen. But I can be happy with what I do have, without desiring more.


    I have to say I have fallen in love with my job again: I go in every week and feel better for doing so. Having a job makes you feel proud. OK, I’m not a rockstar or actress, but I love the atmosphere of my office and enjoy the work.

    Anyhow, I was glad to help, sagirl.


    I don’t have anything to add: I second cassandra and SpinningJen’s comments. They’ve hit the nail on the head.


    You do have every right to be happy and not put up with a controlling, nasty sister. Of course, no one chooses their siblings, but you are right: you’re not 18 years old anymore. It is her loss when you’ve cut her out of your life: and I hope she sees the light when you’re gone. Or, rather, when she is gone. She will fight you – try to stop you make her leave – but stand your ground and don’t give in. Unless she sees the light, you’re going to be much happier without her.

    I am also glad to have helped: I know it is hard for you, but she doesn’t deserve you. Make that break soon.


    How have things panned out now? Has our advice helped clarify what’s in your mind?

    I hope to hear from you: I think we would all like to know how things have progressed.


    You’ve been put in an impossible situation, solly64: nothing you said or did could’ve changed the scenario. You are in no way to blame.

    I also think her ex boyfriend dating her best friend just happened and was out of everybody’s control: no one chooses whom they fall for. When it comes to attraction, if two people want each other, they tend to push aside the friends and ex-partners. As awful as this sounds your friend’s best friend didn’t want to hurt her: she just has a strong attraction to a person that happens to be the ex-boyfriend. It is human nature. It is not easy for the best friend, either: she most likely fell for the wrong person: her best friend’s ex-boyfriend. Love is love and your friend will get over it. That sounds cheap, but it’s true: your friend has to accept that her best friend loves her ex-boyfriend. Neither person can control that.

    I am not saying it rudely, but your friend has had her pride hurt. But she will get over it, in time.


    Confidence can be faked or given an impression of. But I could never even pretend to have that level of supposed confidence. Of course, I can present an image of confidence, but am unable to carry it through. I have tried to act with more assertiveness and self confidence, but when it comes to following through, I can fail.

    I have come to accept I will always be this person: whether I fit in the box or not. Because if I’m an oblong, I’m an oblong. If I am a rectangle, I am a rectangle. Basically, I fit myself instead of being what others want. I have always been slightly shy and this will always be me. If someone wants me to change, I won’t do it. People have to like ME: and not an image that is pretend.

    AND I do agree with what you’ve said, cassandra: a super confident persona can be exactly that: pretend. Still, if I could pretend and not be tripped up myself, I would.

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    I’ve stuck with the same job for over 10 years: and have no plans to quit. I branched out with night classes for a few years. I also took up creative writing and have had a small success with it. BUT I do want more to achieve.

    I think changing your career in your 30’s is entirely possible. If you’re unhappy, then switch jobs. Do what your heart desires. Personally speaking, I prefer working alone – and always will. However, I am able to work in an office – which I do – and am comfortable with a small amount of staff.

    Anyhow, good luck with your studies and realize you CAN have your dream job: whether you’re in your 30’s, 40’s or even 80’s!

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    I have now sorted through my kitchen cupboards and thrown away a load of stuff. I also cleared out loads of CDs and DVDs I was never going to listen to or watch. I am really, really getting rid of items.


    Welcome to Female Forum, ruhaniyat.

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    I have to confess, I suffer from anxiety myself. Some days it’s not so bad, other days it is worse. It goes up and down, basically.

    What I do to deal with it, is have a good night’s sleep. Listen to music. Go out for a walk. Write in my diary. Telephone a friend, etc. Trying to live normally – even with anxiety – is what I do. I also eat properly. But I can understand where you’re coming from: anxiety is horrible. Anyhow, you’re not alone: with or without anxiety.

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    While everything I said in my initial post is true, there are times when I am not so happy. Sometimes doubts creep in and you question yourself and your choices. I am glad to do the work I do – and would not give that up for anything – but I still feel I need more in my life. I need to not duck out of the odd event and just increase confidence within myself. I will never have the confidence of a superstar – and I realize that – but I still want to be free of anxiety and to lose the odd demon that sometimes pops into my head. The demon of lack of confidence I call it. I would never doubt my abilities but I still need to challenge myself mentally and even physically. I need goals and more ambitions: a reason to be here.

    I need more in my life and to branch out further. But how does someone do that?


    I’m afraid I’ve only skim read your post, but let me say this: you need to get your sister out of your life. She is toxic, cruel and horrible. The fact she is your sister doesn’t excuse her behaviour. If she loves you, she has a funny way of showing it.

    Don’t put up with it: get her out of your life. She’ll never change and is pure poison.

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    I can understand where you’re coming from, SpinningJen. I also think trying harder in relationships doesn’t mean being someone’s fool: and you’re definitely no fool. It does not mean being a martyr or sacrificing oneself. Becaue trying harder with relationships also means having self respect. Getting along with others – personally speaking – does not mean having to please everyone: that is being what others might label a “fool”. A lot of people do confuse being nice with being weak, too: there is a big difference between someone being nice and someone being weak.

    I am not trying to be patronising, but feel I should clarify what I mean by working harder at relationships.

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