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    Men don’t want to work cooperatively with us, they want to dominate us, and part of that is constantly trying to say we’re weak.  So we’ve got to show strength, because we’ve got to fight for our place of equality, men won’t just hand it to us.  They’re going to fight us every step of the way, so right now we’re in a position where we’ve got to recognize how strong we are.

    Men, as a group, have caused so much suffering for so many people in our world.  They’ve taken power by force and don’t want to give it up.

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    I’m constantly criticized by men I know for how I approach my job at work.

    I’ll gladly help other coworkers with things, especially getting something set up that makes their jobs easier.  I want everyone in my group to succeed.  I’ve had male “friends” tell me this is a weakness of mine, how I’m being taken advantage of by other people, and that I need to let them fail and work on my own individual accomplishments, so I can promote myself and get raises and promotions.

    I really find it interesting, how men view things as like dog-eat-dog, and are more interested in appearance than substance.  I’ve seen men trying to take credit for my work (and even get promoted for it), and that’s not something I’m willing to do, I’m not going to be like that.  I don’t view success as proverbially knifing my way to the top and then cutting loose before the ship sinks … I feel success is more about doing my part to make sure our voyage goes well and everyone makes it through okay.

    I don’t feel that makes me weaker, I feel the opposite really.

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    Oh dear, I’m so sorry your irritation has come back Kitty!  Are you able to get in to see a doctor today, so she can look at it when it’s at its worst?

    I hope you’re able to figure out what’s causing it and find a workable solution 🙁 (no pun intended!)


    I’m so sorry you’re going through this, I see things very, very differently from Cassandra.  But please know what I’m going to say is based on my personal life experiences (which are different than hers), and from what you’re writing here and what I’m sensing.

    I feel like he’s trying to control you and manipulate you.  He doesn’t seem to respect you, and in my mind he may view you as his possession rather than his partner.

    He seems like he has a pattern of offering you something you want, making himself look like a loving husband, but he then later uses that against you and tries to emotionally control you.  Like notice how you say he talked about “giving you the baby you always wanted”, rather than your child being something you’ll do together as a team, he’s “graciously giving you a gift” and you’ll owe him for this.  And now he mocks your child … that feels very narcissistic to me, like he doesn’t view either of you as people.

    You and he have been engaged for a long time … I don’t trust men who like to dangle things like that.  He’s keeping a promise at arms’ reach, so you’re strung along.  And then he does offer to marry you, but he makes such crazy plans and demands that you’re forced to back out from pressure, and now he gets to say “I tried for us to get married, but it’s your fault we didn’t because you backed out”, so he can continue going on like he is.

    He offers you your dream vacations … but he puts up enough barriers to stop them from really happening.  That feels incredibly manipulative to me, he’s thinking he can keep your hopes alive, but even finds ways to blame you for it not happening … he wants to look loving but make you feel like you’ve screwed things up, so he gets credit for what he “tries” to do and you’re now in debt to him for something he didn’t even deliver on.  I feel that’s cruel of him.

    I feel he probably “loves” you in a very possessive way, like a man loves his car.  Like you say, he puts himself and even other men first … I don’t think he’s necessary homosexual, just misogynistic.  I doubt he respects women at all, including you.

    Two years ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 9 years when I had just turned 35 years old.  I totally understand your position, how you feel for him (but I think a lot of your feelings might really be for the relationship you wish you had with him rather than what you really do have, and for the man you wish he could be instead of the man he really is), and how scared you are of wasting so many years of your life on a failed relationship, and trying to do whatever you can to save it and make it work.  You can do better than him, and if he is like he seems to be you could end up spending the rest of your life as his slave, like I almost did.

    In two weeks I’m getting married to a wonderful man who really truly loves me and treats me as a man should treat a woman, he’s a thousand times better than that loser I used to be with.  There are men out there who will care about you and love you like you deserve to be loved.

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    I’d love to go to Africa too Kitty .. I’d prefer their jungles over South America’s, I don’t know why but the Amazon terrifies me.

    I’ve watched Disney’s “Tarzan” too often, and how I wish I could be Jane Porter (I’d especially like to spend all my time in Africa barefoot, lol)

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    Men think they’re stronger, because they view things like stubbornness, cruelty, selfishness, greed, and willingness to commit violence as strengths.

    When a man wants something, he takes it .. even if he has to kill you to get it.  Because a woman is willing to sacrifice her own desires for peace and harmony, he views her as “weak.”  Men look out for themselves, they’re competitive and want to be “king” and have it all, and take from everyone else, so they’ll do ruthless things to achieve their ends.  Women are co-operative and put their families and communities needs equal to their own, so we don’t look only for our own personal glory but rather try to uplift everything around us.  Men view this as “weak” because we’re not cut-throat pirates, like they are.

    Sorry, I probably sound bitter, but I do believe this is all true.

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    I don’t have enough space either Jen, but I’m not as wise as you are … I still buy anyway, and then I’m stuck with all this clutter until I eventually purge myself of all the junk I’ve collected, lol.




    Thanks Jen – I do agree they probably mean it as a compliment, but I don’t often feel that way.  When I’ve spent some time with my makeup and such, and I feel like I look good, and then someone tells me “You’d look better if … ” I find it’s just deflating, you know what I mean?  They don’t seem to understand how when I look in a mirror, I see every tiny little imperfection and flaw as if it’s jumping out and slapping me in my face, and when I cover that up I just feel so much more confident.

    I’ve been getting sunblinded a lot lately, and I picked up a new pair of sunglasses for driving.

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    Q. Why did God make man before woman?
    A. You need a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.

    Q. How does a man change a light bulb?
    A. He holds it in place and waits for the world to revolve around him.

    Q. Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
    A. Because otherwise it’d be hell.

    Q. What’s the difference between government bonds and men?
    A. Bonds mature.

    Q. What do you call a man with half a brain?
    A. Gifted.

    Q. What did God say after creating man?
    A. I can do better.

    Q. What do you call a man who won’t go down on you?
    A. You don’t.

    A couple weeks ago I went down to a county fair.  I saw they had one of those “Believe it or not?” shows, and they were featuring a man who was born with both a penis and a brain!

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    Wow that was incredibly interesting, thank you so much for sharing that with us!

    A lot of what she wrote really spoke to me, and exactly like she says, I thought of many of those things before in some way.  I’ve long felt men hate women because deep down they know we’re better than they are, and I’ve often said to myself “the only thing men are better at is lifting heavy things.”

    I think it’s really interesting reading it written out like that, it’s given me so much to think about, and also helps me see into guys’ minds a little bit and understand why they’re acting like they do.

    I have no doubt whatsoever that women are much, much stronger than men are.

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    I’ve only been to the United States and Canada, but I’ve covered a lot of territory!  I’ve been up and down the east coast here, and to several provinces.  My favorite place I’ve been to is the Rocky Mountains in Alberta, and I’m going back there for my honeymoon next month.

    I’d love to visit Ireland some day!  If I could go to only one new country, I’d totally choose Ireland.


    Hi Julia, welcome from the Midwest!  My name is Mary, I’m a work-from-home banker.  Way to go with your nursing program!  My DF’s an RN, and yes we absolutely need more good nurses, lol!

    What’re your favorite Disney movies?  Are you looking forward to the new Lion King?

    Which princess do you most closely feel you relate to?  And which would you most want to be?

    For myself, I’ve always felt I really relate to Belle: I’m very introverted and I love to read fantasy, and I’m often viewed as a bit of an oddball by most “normal” people.  And I have this bad habit of attracting really creepy guys.

    (sorry I absolutely love Disney, lol!)

    • This reply was modified 1 month, 1 week ago by  Mamie.

    I’m worried for you about how you view your body image .. you’ve mentioned you had your body changed to make yourself more attractive, and a lot of your posts (like above) seem to suggest you base a lot of your self worth on how boys react to you, and I just hope you feel healthy and happy with yourself without needing that kind of validation.

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    I’m so sorry Kitty, I hope you’re feeling at least a bit better and were able to go back to work.  I hope also you’re not at risk for getting into trouble, I felt almost like reading your first paragraph you’re giving a sense that you might be fired for not going in.  Please let us know everything’s going okay for you?  My thoughts will be with you today.

    I do know your feeling, I’ve been through that three times in my life, and each time I was only able to fix things by making big changes in my life.

    When I was in my early twenties and out of school living in Canada, I felt very trapped.  I was working minimum wage despite my degree, and I was living with my abusive and neglectful parents, and my life was miserable.  I felt like I had no prospects or opportunities for growth, either professionally or personally.  I was born in the US so I have dual citizenship, and I spoke to my aunt who lives in Georgia, and she helped me get a job at a bank down there as a teller, which was a big step up from what I was doing in Canada.  So I moved a thousand miles away from home to a different country, and all I had was my ten year-old car, a couple suitcases full of clothes, and about two hundred dollars.  I moved in with my grandmother for a year and a half, and I later had roommates and then my first ever very own place.

    After a few years, I felt stuck again in Georgia, lol.  I have a degree in accounting, and I was working as a bank teller, which was nice for a while but I was starting to feel stressed, and I kept getting passed over for promotion, and I felt really down about that.  I felt like I was going to be stuck there forever.  I met this guy and he moved in with me, and he wanted to move up north (he’s also Canadian) to be closer to home, and while I was really scared I managed to find a job over the phone at a call center with another bank in Michigan.  So he and I moved and found a place together, and he got a job at the same bank in a different department.  After a year I got a job in fraud, and then a year and a half later I got my current job, and I’ve been happy with my career ever since 🙂

    Well after living with that guy for almost eight years, things needed to change (I’ve posted about that at great length before, lol), and I was really depressed, and had to get him to leave.  It’s been about a year and a half since he’s been gone, and my emotional wellbeing has gotten so much better.

    I’ve been terrified out of my mind every time I’ve taken a risk, I’m really not a risk-taker, but sometimes I feel you’ve just got to do something big and scary when your life’s not what you want it to be.

    I hope you’re able to find something to help you feel more satisfied 🙂

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