Forum Replies Created
May 30, 2020 at 2:11 am #212128May 20, 2020 at 4:00 am #211711
I can relate to your plight, normalguy. You’ve described my mother. Although she was never nasty to others outside of the home, she wasn’t very nice to my father and me for the most part. Yes, that tiny woman was a bully to our 5’8′ and 6’3″ frames.
Your friend might be so tightly wound (stressed) that she needs medication, but refuses to get help. Or, when prescribed, she refuses to take it. To her, everyone else in the world has issues. There is no way you can convince her otherwise.
I agree with what the other ladies have said, only I might take it further. Just “rip off that band-aid” and cut her out of your life completely. ASAP. Explaining your reasons to her will be fruitless. Like others said, she’ll turn the tables on you and make you feel guilty or you’re at fault. Like Cassandra mentioned, avoid her like the plague. If you can afford to, I would even move away.
Not gonna lie: it’s rough to hear that I should drop her and avoid her, even if it really is what I should do. This is not really something I want to have to deal with in the middle of all this Corona BS, but, I just might have to. At best, I could put it off until things are starting to get back to normal, but eventually, I’m obviously going to have to address it. As I’ve said before, part of me thinks that she doesn’t realize what she’s doing and how she’s affecting me, and that if I make her aware of it, she might change, at least a little bit. It is just too rough of an idea for me to just drop her. Part of the reason of that is that she lives not a couple blocks from me, plus she’s got a brother that lives with her that is a lot like her. They tend to come to each other’s defense and I’m afraid that if I piss her off and she make him think I’m doin her wrong, he will try to be physically violent with me. He’s in a wheelchair, yes, but that won’t stop him from trying to come find me and be confrontative. At any rate, my point is: there’s reasons why I haven’t done it yet, and am making excuses to hold it off. Whether I should or not.May 17, 2020 at 10:57 pm #211612
At worst this relationship is abusive at best its toxic , it really doesnt matter… if youre not happy and youre asking us for advice it means you know its worng.
Can I just say there is a huge difference between an honest, straight talking, taking no cr*p kind of woman and an abusive one. The first three are descriptions which in a man would illicet praise and stand for being a strong and solid person but in a woman they are seen as negatives normally meaning she is called a b**ch. (or worse)
Anyone who uses another person to make themselves feel strong or powerful by means of domination or abuse is a bully. It makes no difference what gender either or both of them are,, nor from which gender to which, a bully is a bully end of.
Now you mention *we have good times…* I have to tell you that in every case of abused women Ive come across (and there have been too many) all of them without exception say ‘but I love him’ ‘but he can be sweet’ ‘but he is so good to me most of the time’
This behaviour is just a tool in their manipulation show their good side to the world so that no one will understand the victim and show the good side to the victim so that when they tell the victim ‘you made me do it’ the victim will self doubt.
In most abuse cases there is a situation resembling stockholm syndrome which is where a victim of kidnap or hostage will start to feel sympathy or even affection for their captor or abuser. In quicky coming to your ‘friend’s’ defence you exhibit those symptoms. You are here seeking help and yet do not want anyone to bad mouth your realationship or your friend.
Take a step back, maybe take a while away from this and others in this vicious circle and make a note of how much better you feel without this person, how much more relaxed you feel, how positive it is not to have someone putting you down and calling you stupid. How free you feel making your own choices.
Then you can take the steps to making the break permenent because these people do not change their behaviour.. They dont and no matter what they say or what they promise, no matter how much they say the mean it, they will revert to type.
Thats it, the rest is up to you. Take it or leave it, I know you are a man and obviously you feel thats different, its not its still abuse and most abused women reach out several times and sadly it takes an average of 50 abuse cycles before they finally report their abuser so I dont expect you to walk away overnight.
But I hope you can make some changes to help you cope.
Thanks so much for the reply my dear. It definitely got me thinking; I had never thought of this woman as an abuser before. It brings a whole new angle and light to the situation. I am so used to having her as a friend, that there of course is part of me that hopes she will change (permanently), but the more I read the more that hope is being dashed. Life is what it is, I guess. The next step is to get the courage to confront her on it that I’ve been trying to get since literally 1996. We will see how it goes…..May 17, 2020 at 12:20 am #211583
Oh my, you need help, you have to know you can’t have it both ways, this woman is like a drug for you.
She’s not a drug for me. I think of her as a friend; I don’t even find her remotely attractive and never have. Part of it I think is that we remain friends because i’m too chicken to say anything because I’m afraid of the huge blowup that I know she will have, when I say anything.
May 17, 2020 at 12:12 am #211579
- This reply was modified 4 months, 1 week ago by normalguy74.
My dear boy, do you realize you are a victim of abuse? This woman is not strong, she’s a bully. There’s no subject to broach, I would walk away from that relationship in a heart beat, there is no need to ever speak to her again.
I have had that told to me before, in my travels on the Internet, mentioning the situation. The problem is, we still have good times and I still value her as a friend. In a way, I can’t picture my life without her. I don’t want to give that up. I guess I might have to though. It really really sucks.